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e the confidence and determination to achieve my goals. With these personal qualities combined with my personal determination and my questioning nature, I am certain that I can find success in Western Culture. Moreover, because the United States has far fewer gender-based restrictions than Turkey and has a much better developed educational system equipped with state-of-the-art technology, I believe that the United States will give me the opportunity to achieve my full potential, to speak out against injustice, and to seek the truth.
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Thank you very much for your editing my essay. I am very grateful for your help. I feel quite satisfied with my essay becoming so refined and clear--it must have been a hard work for you all. I don't know how to express my appreciation fully with my limited vocabulary. Also, your criticism and edits are helpful for me to know my weaknesses in English usage. Comparing your essay with my draft, I can find how different they are in structure. My English surely tends to be serpentine and verbose, attempting to say everything at once. Your model writing will help my English to improve.
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Question: Describe the qualities and accomplishments you would bring to the undergraduate students body at the University of California
I came to america to learn, study and understand the multycultural society of states. Although it was difficult for me to leave the familly behind at highschool age i came first to Canada where i learned french language very well and i graduated a frech high school there , then i moved to southern California , where i entered Orange Coast College,which although i had to work and study, i tried my best to go to a field which i feel would be in the future not only in terms of job and uportunities but also business in future will be more on global and international level which creates an atmosphere of friendship and direct relationship between different nations and make wold become smaller and friendly. Learning business in an international wellknown institution in USA which is now leader in technology and related business makes me more prepared to get to my goal which is friendship and relationship between different countries with different cultures by creating international business and enlarging it all over the world. My father was a phd graduate from U.C.Berkley in 1973 in Engineering which was the same thing those days to develop underdeveloped countries such as Iran and since then by stablishing a U.S. style Engineering and construction company called "Tehran Berkley" in 1974 in Tehran , he has now helped that nation verymuch and executed over 300 large seale development projects such as dams , airports, oil & gas instalations , highways & tunnels , industrial complexes etc. I think in future leadership of such companies as my father's,that through difficult times of revolution , recession and ditrust between nations stood and kept its flag and name "Tehran Berkley" strongly as a sign of friendship between nation with different culture and now moves toward business relationship with other nations including United States.
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