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udent B: M y grandpa w as a small man in stature . He w asonly 1 . 70 met re tall and w eighed just 65 k ilo s . W hen hew alked h is pants alw ays sagged because he did no t have anyh i p s to ho ld them up w ith. H is head w as full of silvery grayhair, and a cigaret te alw ays dangled f rom h is mouth. Hechew ed the cigaret te mo re than he smoked it, w h ich w as agood th ing because he alw ays w ent to sleep w ith it in h ismouth, and it would usually end up on the f loo r .M y Grandpa (T raits)Student C: He doesn’t go out of h is w ay fo r mo st peop le; healmo st never gives a par ty, he rarely invites peop le to dinner,he seldom calls anyone at the house . Mo st peop le tend to bo reh i m. Is he unhappy, maladjusted, o r a recluse? Q uite to thecont rary, peop le are at t racted to h i m because he is so w ell ad2justed . I adm ire my grandpa because he is self2 assured anddiscr i m inat ing .在互改当中, 不少同学为了帮助别人都积极发言。在小组中用来描写人物外貌和特征的好句子还有:1) The circles around my grandpa’s eyes made h i m looklike a panda, sad and lonely .2) O ncew hen a neighbo r’s house w as dest royed in a f ire,my grandpa sacr if iced the comfo r t of our ow n two bedroom a2par tment by let t ing the fam ily stay w ith us fo r near ly amonth.3) H is face is clean shaven and ruddy, dist inguished by adeep ly clef t th in.4) He w as so absent2 m inded that tw ice last w eek he didno t have lunch but he said he had indeed .5) He is energet ic and lovable, but somet i mes he can bespo iled brat .6) He is one of the k indest man I have ever seen .7 ) He taugh t us a lo t about look ing good, but he hastaugh t us a lo t mo re about being good .8) He sm iles a lo t, even though he is break ing up inside .9) He is a w arm and f r iendly person by the w ay he acts .10) He is a very k ind and generous person.通过小组讨论和学习之后 Student A 的文章就大有进步了。再让我们读一下Student A 修改以后的文章。M y GrandpaM y grandpa w as smaller than mo st of h is grandch ildren,but to all of us he w as a giant because h is love w as so great,he w as full of vigo r and devo tes the energies of h is lifet i me tothe fam ily .O f course, w e had to rew ard h i m by cleaning h is f inger2nails o r cut t ing h is toenails o r combing h is silvery hair . Hesaid he had to wo rk to get w hat w e w anted, but I know thathe just loved being pampered . He also loved land and ani2mals . Even af ter long, hard days on the farm , he w as alw aysadop t ing st ray dogs, fussing about peop le w ho would abandona dumb ani mal but pamper ing it as if he had raised it fo r h isw ho le life . Know ing w ho he w as and w hat he loved, nineyears af ter h is death I remember and love h i m st ill .
尽管这里的描写是一般的, 但是比较具体了, 能使人感兴趣, 也有一定的说服力, 较以前有较大的进步。除此之处, 学生还提出了许多好的建议; 比如多做口头作文, 多进行中译英练习, 就某个话题进行对子活动、小组讨论,都是提高作文写作能力的好办法。
总之批改学生作文应注意三点: 一是指导学生抓住重点,并且教会学生突出重点的办法; 二是指导学生清理思路, 做到条理有序; 三是使学生知道用自己的话说自己的意思, 有自己的新意, 而不只是找现成的话, 重复人家的意思。
参考文献
[ 1 ] A ndrew D. Cohen &M arilda C. Cavalcant i . Feedback on compo sitions: teacher and student verbal repo rts [A ] . In Barvara Kro ll,S econd L ang uag e W riting R esearch Insig h ts f or the Classroom[C ] . N ew Yo rk: Cambridge U niversity P ress, 1990 .
[2 ] Cherry Campbell . Get t ing students to review each o ther’sdrafts[A ] . In Cherry Campbell, T each ing S econd L ang uag eW riting Interacting W ith T ex t [C ] . Canada: Heinle & Heinle Publishers ITO , A n Internat i onal Thom son Publish ing Company, 1998 .
[ 3 ] Cherry Campbell .