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uasive argument), it is to your advantage to substitute subheadings with well-constructed transitions (I've done that throughout the essay).
With all three essays, I condensed the conclusions somewhat substantially.
In each of the texts it seemed like you were off to a good start but sort of ran out of breath towards the end -- the essays petered out rather than ending with "a bang". Since they involved very different types of changes, I've written more about these alterations in the notes.
Elsewhere, rather than making radical (and unnecessary) structural changes, I concentrated on refining your language, highlighting your most interesting points, and making the logic of your ideas stand out clearer. Many of these changes are quite subtle, but they have a powerful impact on the overall flow of the pieces.
I rephrased passages that contained awkward English, eliminated phrases or sentences that seemed extraneous or repetitive, and varied the vocabulary to render the text more lucid and vivid. I also varied the length of sentences, in order to make the rhythm of the text more interesting (HINT: Avoid starting too many sentences with "I"; instead, try adding more transitional phrases like "Additionally", or inserting clauses before the pronoun: "In 1999, I began to work...)
Here and there I also found sections where your writing was either too vague or abstract, or where transitional passages were too abrupt (or lacking). I've made a few notes here below about a few specific changes where I chose new phrasing based on context.
I've organized the notes by paragraph -- the number after each "P" refers to the order of the *original* placement of the paragraph.
ESSAY 1
P1. These are strong and vivid images with which to begin an essay, but the list format is not recommended: admissions officers will be far more impressed if you can seamlessly weave these images into the text. So I condensed the listings and modified the format into paragraph form.
P2. When you say that at fifteen you decided to focus on environmental studies, does it mean that at that time you entered university (as an undergraduate)? There is no mention of your college years -- instead you delve into your Master's right at the third paragraph -- so you might want to make that experience more explicit in the second paragraph, mentioning, for instance, exactly where you attended university.
P3 and P4
These two paragraphs were both short and related, so I condensed them into a single paragraph (having too many paragraphs can make an essay seem choppy and digressive).
P5 and P6
When you mention Koc Holding as "the first and biggest diversified conglomerate", do you mean the first and biggest in Turkey? I assumed this was the case and added "Turkey", but be sure to change the passage if that's not the case (for instance, if it's Europe/Asia's first and biggest, or the world's).
As with the previous passage, it made sense to combine these two paragraphs.
P8 & P9
The phrase "appropriate solutions" is awkwardly vague. How about "adaptable"?
Built transition from P8 to P9 and consolidated.
P 10 and P11
Consolidated
Once you have written out the school's full name, you can refer to it simply as "XXX".
P13
Very redundant. You have already said most of these things. I eliminated the paragraph.
P14
You s
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