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estions and will write them out here below, point by point.
As for the minor changes, we concentrated on refining your language, highlighting your most vivid and interesting ideas, and making the logic of your ideas stand out clearer.  We rephrased passages that contained slightly awkward English, eliminated phrases or sentences that seemed extraneous or repetitive, and varied the vocabulary to render the text more lucid and interesting.
1.  RE: INTRODUCTION.  I transformed two of the questions into a statement, because there were too many questions in a row and that made the rhythm uninteresting.  By varying sentence structure, you still have an opening that is compelling and vivid yet doesn't bog the reader down in a swamp of interrogatives.
2.  RE: THE SENTENCE "Though I’ve always wanted to be a veterinarian, my newfound concern for animal issues and the environment were pulling me in another direction." I altered this section because, although you were right in trying to tie the two paragraphs together with a transitional sentence, the logic wasn't terribly clear.  Your activism, after all, is very much *complementary* to your vegetarianism.  I rephrased the passage so as to maintain the transitional quality of the sentence while highlighting the positive (i.e. complementary) aspect of the two activities.
3.  RE: GRADUATE COURSES.  This is something you might add in a word or two.  What were the graduate courses in? Agriculture?  It's best to make clear that the courses themselves weren't in the same field you hope to study at Tufts -- because you state you were uninspired by them.  So make sure you eliminate any suspicion the reader might have by including the subject of those courses.
4.  RE: YEAR OFF WORK EXPERIENCE.  Here is something else you might also add in a word or two. Where did you work during your year off?  I thought it was perhaps the SPCA, but that came so early on in the piece that it's very unclear what you did during your year off.  State that clearly, especially if it's animal-related.
5.  RE: MISSING TRANSITION: You needed a transition between stuff on farming and your decision to become a vegetarian, because the change of topic there seemed abrupt.  I rephrased it to make the transition smoother.
6.  RE: VET MEDICINE: Do you plan to pursue vet medicine after you finish the program?  That's what I assumed, but if it's not, make sure your intent reads clearly.
7.  RE: CONCLUSION: Along the same line, the one line of argument that seemed to be missing was the connection between veterinary science and policy.  Apart from the obvious fact that through both activities you would be helping animals, it wasn't very clear from the original essay how you planned to eventually combine these two educations.  I addressed this by connecting the two with the following sentence:
"By understanding and shaping animal welfare policy, I believe that I will be able to leverage my knowledge of veterinary medicine to make a powerful case in defense of animal rights."
If you already have a clear idea of the type of job or day-to-day activity that you think you'll end up pursuing (i.e. have a veterinary practice but also work as a consultant for the SPCA), you might want to explain that in more detail.  But that's highly optional; the essay, as it stands, at least makes the connection betw本论文由英语论文网提供整理，提供论文代写，英语论文代写，代写论文，代写英语论文，代写留学生论文，代写英文论文，留学生论文代写相关核心关键词搜索。